new york personal relationship

dating not dating

yes. and no. i always find myself in situations where i’m in a relationship where i can’t tell everyone that i am dating! so yes i’m dating. and no i’m not dating! i guess the answer depends on who you are. it’s not just the answer that is confusing. i feel like i’m dating and also like i am not dating. it’s not morally wrong for us to date. it just would upset a lot of people that we are dating. so much energy goes into not dating publicly. it’s ridiculous. and yet, it is my life at the moment.

26 replies on “dating not dating”

Dating in the 21st century is hard. We are becoming a society where we even outsource our mate search. We are more reserve about our private life because it is becoming almost impossible to trust someone. Just hang in there and when you find someone that fits give it a shot!

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Lol. I can totally relate! Is there a term like quasi dating? I used to quasi date but I stopped so I could date. Yet I wasn’t dating anymore when I was dating. So, how could I be dating anymore. In all goodness and happiness, I’m not a part of that anymore. I’m actually working on the part to be dating dating instead of dating not dating. Don’t you just love detail?


I can’t really ever admit that I’m dating a person. It’s usually I’m going out, or I’m having a lunch or more recently a favourite of mine… a get together. Even when I’ve been seeing this person a while I can’t admit to dating them. I guess if it goes wrong, it was just lunch….


Not dating publicly to me means one of the individuals in the relationship isn’t comfortable with their partner. This isn’t healthy for a relationship because people need to know that you are taken.


I hate not dating publicly, but at the same time, I understand the need for privacy. When I like someone I don’t want any restrictions on my affection. There’s one guy I’m dating now, and when it’s just the two of us (in public) he’s perfect. Whenever we’re in his friends/family are in the proximity he’s super conservative and treats me like a guy friend. It freaks me out, but I respect his need for conservatism. Until you’re exclusive privacy just makes life easier.


I have been there done that for many reasons, family wouldn’t approve, ashamed I forgave him and embarassed I was not strong enough to just walk away … hopefully your adventure down this road will go better than my own..If you want someone elses dating issues or questions to get yourself away from your own troubles check out my site


The dating scene is like a mine-field. It seems there are always more nightmare stories than happily ever after one’s. I’m not sure I could or would want to be in a relationship I had to hide from certain people. Honesty is the cornerstone to a good relationship whether dating or just friends. Hiding the fact you are dating someone seems to conflict with that value.


hi stevesw. unfortunately, some people are scared to date. fortunately, i am no longer one of those people. 😛 good for you for withdrawing your request!


As the situation you have described, dating can at times be a very illogical and confusing adventure. She said, “I’ll go out with you…but it’s not going to be a date, I mean, we can go to lunch on a date…but, I mean not as a real date…like a ‘get to know you date’ to see if we are compatible to go on a date…so when do you want to meet for our lunch date?” My response, “Do we sit at the same table, or go to different restaurants and text each other?” With a very serious expression, “Steve, are you being funny?” I withdrew my request and that exchange led me to start writing mynextdateblog.wordpress, a look at the humorous side of dating.


hello holyfrickindates. i passed by hairy monk on 3rd and 25th just the other day! can’t wait to go there. oh man oh man are things complicated at times!! maybe we’ll bump into each other at hairy monk and we wouldn’t even know it!


It’s complicated, I know. When it comes down to it, if you don’t feel like you can tell everyone you’re dating, something needs to change. Might be the status of you and the other person dating. Might need to be your relationships with the people you feel you can’t tell.

Either way, if you are dating someone, that should be a joyous and happy thing that you have to be able to feel free to tell everyone about. I know, that’s probably not what you want to hear.

ps – I too am a Bostonian and a Sox fan living life in NYC. Go to the Hairy Monk on 3rd and 25th. It’s a Sox bar and a safe haven for us Sox fans. 🙂


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