I wanted to be done with weight loss. But I started gaining weight after reaching my goal weight! Maintaining weight is hard. It’s almost easier to be perpetually trying to lose weight, if that makes any sense at all. I am listening to this podcast on rule following vs decision making. I feel like I am trying to follow rules on what I can eat, what I can’t eat, what is on my program, what isn’t on my program. My self talk is I can eat this, or I can’t eat this. So just as the podcast I am listening to is saying, I felt deprived when I am trying to follow rules, even feeling an impulse to rebel! It’s kind of insane, if you think about it. I decided to follow a certain rule, but when I am trying to follow the rule, I am feeling I’m restricted.
So what is a decision making self-talk sound like? Am I hungry? How is my body feeling? Am I thirsty? What is/are my goal(s)? Is this going to get me to my goal(s)? How will my body feel after eating this and at this time of the day? This is really helpful. I will try this. I have been eating when I’m not hungry, and eating at night again, in the middle of the night and then going back to bed. Decision making is more work than following rules. But I think the decision making process will remind me what I want to work towards and also be accountable for my actions.
The reason why this is really important for me is this: at the moment, I am using food as a way to manage my emotions. Yesterday I wasn’t feeling great. So I consciously started eating sweet and soft foods, like yogurt, banana, fruits, etc. It felt like eating protein, which I know I need in order not to feel hungry right away, required too much work, emotional work. I don’t want to manage my feelings with food, again. So even apart from the issue of gaining weight, I want to feel free from being tied to food for my emotion regulation. That’s my intention – to manage my emotions in a healthy way, and not by eating food to cope with my feelings.
I am dreaming, imagining, of feeling competent, and happy. I am imagining myself free of attachment to food. I dream one day I will see food as fuel for my body, and not as a way to manage my feelings that I am uncomfortable feeling.
Here is the link to the podcast I am listening to right now: Rule following vs decision making – Thelast10pounds.